Posts Tagged ‘decisions’

What an interesting week! Coincidence, the universe, the devil, my imagination…it always seems that whenever I start contemplating a huge decision that will impact my life, a thing or two breaks or goes awry. There is a shift. And, it kind of unnerves me! Well, letters of intent were due Friday. Much contemplation all week. Should I stay or should I go? The last time I made the leap to GO, Barry’s truck was totaled on the way to Andrew’s baseball practice. Naturally, I freaked! Fortunately, it all worked out, and I had a three year hiatus from teaching.

Thus, begins my tale. Last Sunday my laptop seized up preventing me from logging in which prevented me from blogging and working on school stuff. Needless to say, I had a slight meltdown! After school on Monday, I brought my laptop to a local computer place and a kind gentleman not only fixed it, but since it was a simple system restore, he did not charge me. I was back in business. “I got this,” I said to myself. My laptop would eventually need to be replaced, but I was hoping it would make it at least through the summer.

Then on Tuesday, our refrigerator did not seem to be cooling properly. Fearful thoughts started swirling around in my mind mixing together with self-doubt and defeat. Never mind that my laptop and our refrigerator were both old and nearing the end of their electrical lives. But of all the weeks to act up or conk out, they pick this week. The week I need to make a decision. Damn you, FEAR! Fear will rob you, threaten you, and diminish you. Thankfully, Barry came home on Wednesday and got us a new refrigerator. Fear slid back into its cave in the dark recesses of my mind. I started feeling brave again.

Then on Thursday afternoon, the rain came down. HARD! Bad weather conditions were predicted to ensue throughout the night and into Friday, so school was cancelled for Friday. The day I planned to bravely turn in that letter of intent. I had made my decision, but had to wait until Monday. Yes, the decision stuck with me all weekend with fear gnawing at the outer edges of my mind. Doubt and trust going back and forth, like a tug-of-war. Which side was stronger? Who was going to win? Then, school was cancelled again for Monday.

Now, I sit and write in BAM sipping a mocha latte. Have I been given this reprieve to change my mind? Am I delusional or just so burnt out that I am not thinking clearly? Could it be a test to challenge my convictions or to see if I am just full of crap? I guess I will find out tomorrow, dear reader, when I go back to work. All will be revealed, soon. Happiness!

“The future, the worry, the regret, the anxiety – these are all the mental events that do not have to be a part of the difficulty of life: these can be transcended here and now.” ~ Eckhart Tolle

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Tomorrow is the first day of school for me. It is also Freshman Orientation for Andrew. The two of us decided to relax a little bit at one of our favorite plStack of Library Booksaces, Books-a-Million. And, to make it even more special, today is National Book Lovers Day. I ordered coffee and ate a piece of chocolate. Andrew ordered chocolate milk and ate a chocolate crisp frog (Harry Potter). I read the Book Page magazine, and he read his new Godzilla comic book. Before we went home, we read over some important information he will need for tomorrow’s orientation.

I’m currently reading The Fringe Hours: Making Time for You by Jessica N. Turner. I’m trying to learn how to practice self-care without feeling guilty about taking time for myself. I’ll keep you posted throughout the year on how I’m doing. I have made a promise to myself to NOT be a workaholic this school year.

Well, dear readers, while our time together is over, the day is not. Therefore, pick up a good book, find a relaxing spot, and READ. Happiness!

“Books are a uniquely portable magic.” ~ Stephen King

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Oh, how I feel like a writer sitting here at a table in the cafe of Books-A-Million with my laptop, sipping on a skinny mocha latte…observing people, tapping out words galore, getting lost in my thoughts. Aaaah! I could get use to a writer’s life. At this point, my only obstacle is myself. So, how do I go about changing this? How do I get out-of-the-way of myself? What do I need to do to feel more like a writer? These are the questions I must answer, and answer soon. Okay, that sounds a bit dramatic. Soon…really? I’m thinking it will have to be a gradual process. I’m thinking it will occur to me the same way my weight loss journey occurred to me. I have to affirm it, and then keep my word to myself. More on this later.  

In the meantime, I want to discuss a couple of changes. There was a major weather change over the weekend. I admit, I am a bit of a weenie when it gets below 60 degrees. I like cold weather provided I’m not in it for any length of time. So, I have to make a slight change to my running schedule, and I have to get some warmer running clothes. As much as I like to run, I just could not make myself run this morning in the dark, in the cold at 4:30AM. It was 51 degrees. Then, I had an epiphany…run after dropping Andrew off at school since I did not have to substitute today. It will still be cold; however, the sun will be out. So, this is exactly what I did this morning. Now, Wednesday I will not be so fortunate. Either I will have to invest in some warmer running clothes, or I will be running Wednesday afternoon. Now, I do live in Louisiana, and the weather could change back to warmer temperatures by then. So, I’ll just have to wait and see. HA!

I may still get up at 4AM. I could do all sorts of things with the time, especially since I’m not sleeping. Perhaps, I could write on those cold mornings since I’m being too weenified to run.   

Sometimes, I think I prefer routine. Other times, I think I prefer change. I think it really depends on how the change comes about and if I have control over the change. When it comes to my workout schedule, I thought I wanted more of a scheduled routine. I’m finding, except for my runs, my mood and time of day determines what other type of exercise I want to do, whether it is walking, biking, strength training, etc. Running is something I would do every day if I could physically do it. So, I’m again mixing up my schedule. As long as I get at least three runs in per week (four runs would be ideal), as well as two strength training days per week, I am thrilled. So, I’m cutting myself some slack and allowing for more flexibility. This is definitely a change for me, and my lovely type A personality.

Well, my faithful readers, I have lost some more weight. I’m now 132.5 pounds. *Applause!* I have 7.5 more pounds to go before I reach my goal weight. This is a total of 20.5 pounds lost. I’m ready to reach my goal. For the first time in a long time, I’m actually looking forward to shopping for new clothes. My clothes are baggy, even my bras. Hee Hee! I must say that this has been an extremely wonderful change. I feel better physically and mentally. I’m repeating the run/walk schedule from last week: Walk 10 minutes, run 9 minutes. Walk 1 minute, run 9 minutes (repeat twice).

What other changes are in store for me in the next few weeks? Will I finally find a steady job? Will I be able to stay the course I’m currently on and spread my wings even further to discover more of myself? Or, will an unexpected windfall come my way? Don’t laugh! It could happen. Happiness!

Oh, and one final change goes out to mon frere, Moonius Maximus, who officially changes today from 42 to 43 on the celebration of his birth. Love you, mon frere.

“Not everything that is faced can be changed, but nothing can be changed until it is faced.” ~ James Baldwin

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